


The Most Popular Kids in School

by Nour386



Category: Gravity Falls, Over the Garden Wall (Cartoon), The Most Popular Girls in School
Genre: Gen, Reverse Falls AU, This was fun to write up, but dear god if I have to come up with repalcements for everyone else I'm going ot be in heck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 14:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16199270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nour386/pseuds/Nour386
Summary: Dipper and Robbie get a rude introduction to the new boy in school





	The Most Popular Kids in School

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThatOneGirlBehindYou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGirlBehindYou/gifts), [chamiryokuroi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chamiryokuroi/gifts).



> you guys like crack fics? well I sure do. enjoy this train wreck of an au mash-up!  
> also quick shout out to my beta reader [Sci_Fri1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sci_Fri1/pseuds/Sci_Fri1)

Dipper adjusted his choker in the mirror, the turquoise gem that dangled from it shone in the fluorescent light of the boy’s bathroom. He was careful to not touch the sink as he washed his hands, Lord knows what had come in contact with it before him. He pulled a comb out from his blazer pocket and ran it under the tap before running it through his hair, tugging it back so that his bangs stayed off his forehead. To his right stood Robbie Valentino, some preppy kid Dipper considered his friend by association.

“Well, then I was all like, ‘No and then you were like you are!’, and she was like ‘No, but then you are!’ and I was like ‘I kind of am.’ So long story short, she’s kind of my girlfriend right now” Robbie prattled, adjusting his mascara as he spoke.

“I am so pretty,” Dipper said, ignoring Robbie.

“You really are,” Robbie replied, not noticing the boy’s bathroom door open behind him and another lanky boy walk in. “Is there band practice today?”

The sound of the sink beside them drew both boys’ attention.

“Um, excuse me?” Dipper asked, disgust pulling at his face like a hook to a fish’s lip.

“Hello?” Robbie added.

“What?” The boy asked, his hair was a mess that pointed in every direction. He wore a brown coat over a gaudy green-yellow-orange shirt.  Dipper’s eyes demanded they be gouged out so that they would no longer have to view the hideous shirt. The boy’s eyes were half open, his voice was quick and snappy, not what Dipper was expecting when he saw the visual equivalent to the worst conceived soap flavor.

“Who the fuck are you?” Dipper demanded.

“Who the fuck are you?” The boy shot back.

“I asked you first.”

“I asked you second.” Wirt said matter-of-factly.

“Oh-oh ooo. He’s Dipper Pines, DUH! Head of the Band Corp, Homecoming King. Part-time model.” Robbie defended

“Oh.” 

“Who the fuck are you?” Dipper spat, tilting his head at every word.

“I’m Wirt, I’m new.” Wirt said, turning back to his sink.

“Who the fuck let you in here?” Dipper demanded.

“Thompson.” Wirt said. He stared at the mirror, not looking at Dipper.

“Thompson who?” Dipper pressed.

“Thompson Carmichael.” 

“Thompson Carmichael isn’t even in charge of the door!” Robbie exclaimed. 

“So, Wirt, let me tell you how things work here.” Dipper said, leaning forward.

“I already know how things work around here.” Wirt said, glaring at Dipper. He turned to face him.

“Thompson Carmichael is in charge of the snacks, why is he letting people inside of the door?” Robbie asked, taping his chin. He tilted his head in thought.

“This is my bathroom. This is my school. And this is me telling you that you need to learn your place.” Dipper said, waving his hand, as though he were a magician showing off a trick.

“Guess what? I already know all those things.” Wirt said, trying to sound nonchalant; and failing miserably. 

“Oh really?”

“Yeah!”

“Lee Ryan is in charge of the door! What the fuck is he doing letting Thompson Carmichael let people in?” Robbie huffed, marching out of the bathroom.

“You’re not from around here are you Wirt?” Dipper said, stepping closer to him.

“I just transferred, from Atchison” Wirt said.

“Where the fuck is that?” Dipper scowled.

“North of Salem. West of the 71!” He pointed, as though he could direct Dipper over his shoulder.

“Well, let me tell you how things work around here in Gravity falls!” Dipper said stepping forward again.

“I already know how things work around here in Gravity Falls.” 

“Really?!”

“Yeah! Norman Man told me all about it.”

“Is Lee Ryan sick? Does he have mono? I feel like his dad might have died.” Robbie said, walking back into the bathroom.

“What the fuck are you doing talking to Norman Man?” Dipper snarled

“We have Algebra 2 together.” Wirt said.

“That’s my sister’s boyfriend, bitch!” Dipper glared.

“Oh really? That’s not what not what Wendy Corduroy said.”

“Well Wendy Corduroy is fucking liar.”

“She seemed to know a lot about your sister and Gabe Dooma.” Wirt said smugly. 

“Okay, Wirt, just what the fuck do you want?” Dipper asked, turning back to the mirror, heaving an angry sigh of defeat.

“I want to poop here. Whenever I want, for as long as I want.” Wirt said unblinkingly.

“Fine.” Dipper sighed “But know this, I do not like you.”

“I feel indifferent towards you.” Wirt shrugged

Dipper gasped. “I’ll be watching you.”

“I’m going to poop now,” Wirt declared, walking into to the nearest stall.

“Wait, Thompson Carmichael’s dad is sick, Lee Ryan’s dad’s a senator. Duh, Robbie.” Robbie said, lightly smacking his forehead.

He and Dipper stood in silence as they heard Wirt use the bathroom loudly. He exited the stall shortly after with an ear-to-ear grin. “Owned,” he said.

Dipper’s scowl deepened as he watched Wirt practically skip on his way out of the bathroom. “Have fun smelling my poops, bitches,” Wirt sang as he left the bathroom.

**Author's Note:**

> Well that sure happened. Sorry about making this basically a one-to-one transcription. I will say that the idea of reverse wirt being a rude little shit is amusing to me. Maybe I'll revisit this au at some later time.


End file.
